therapy is HARD

resisting the internet shopping ...

am sorely tempted to spend ridiculous money on here: http://www.the-all-in-one-company.co.uk/index.php i only started looking for a fleece all-in-one sleepsuit for Gussie, coz hes fallen in love with his old one he can barely do up, the little oddball. but now i want a microfleece suit with ears and an ipod pocket... other dangerous site found recently is Zazzle.co.uk (i think) where you can custom design little slip on Keds/Vans shoes with dinosaur prints, or any combo of colours you like. fifty quid a pair tho, so they'll have to be for special occasions!

JUST about the funniest thing i've seen all year... ROFL. (i dont know these people btw, the pic is from a webiste called awkward family photos.com. tooooooo amusement.

Carmargue boating holiday, with Dad. April 2009

photobook of half term break with kids, mum and the Oranges.

today's;

Good news:

• watched Juno tonight. lovely movie !
• Max and new friend Amelia laughed hysterically and had lots of fun swimming today.
• tasty lunch at local pub with kids and good pal, Jojo.
• cleaned out the chicken houses and replaced all bedding. needed the workout.
• Spoke to Jas on phone last night. only 6 weeks till her wedding. madness!
• Lots of lovely cuddles with the 3 stooges.

Rubbish news:

• have nibbled all my nails off again. twonk.
• miss sophie and grainne
• was grumpy bitch with max and gus earlier for no good reason. snapped out of it tho (phew)

just noticed that the number plate TI RED is available for the princessly sum of 8 and a half grand. how good would that be on my yellow caravelle?? im not one for personalised number plates normally... wanky bollocks. but that would be funny.

... and archie started puking in the night. here we go again, eh. so we're all home today. lazy day on the sofa i think.

i am so bored of being mentally unwell. i am so sad, so convinced that it'll never go away. terrified i'll pass it on to my kids, by nature and nurture, no matter how hard i try not to. i am necking ad's and wine like theres no tomorrow... and just about passing for normal enough of the time to not make waves. im so tired. so weary. i mean, im allright, but this is always there, lurking underneath. and i dont think anything will make it go away. counselling just makes it worse - the endless analysis... unbearable. the ad's dont work. well, its better than without them, thats for sure, but its just a mask. and apparenlty, having a perfect life full of wonderful people who love me and who i love immensely... doesnt work either. go figure. anyway, fuck this for a laugh, im going to go and watch some distracting telly for a bit, take my mind off this crap.

home alone

so sandys off to scotland for a couple of days. a burns night supper in his dinner jacket and everything ( at not getting to perve over him in his DJ), and a quick visit hom eto see the elderly 'rents, esp his dad who is in hospital atm. and i am here, with norovirus kids and lots of expensive frozen meals to keep me going ... i miss my little sister who is off living in copenhagen... id LOVE to be there with her, being young free and single, chewing the fat, drifting about, smoking and drinking and sleeping in the next day... but hey ho. those days are... well, not mine anymore. HOPEFULLY i will get a chance to pop over sans bambini and see her for a day or two at some point. also just got the call to say that my cousin/sister/freind (cousin doesnt really express how much she means to me tbh) is emigrating to australia in 3 and a half weeks from now. gulp. its a GOOD thing but i will miss her madly. anyways, i better go, gotta load the kids back into the van and drag them reluctantly off to the doctors... that'll be fun.

chickens

time to clean out the chicken sheds tomorrow. weathers alright so i'll take the chance. if the sick kids will let me that is. max slept for HOURS today in theliving room so he'll be up all night i hope not. anyhoo... been browsing and calling breeders today with an eye to getting some new birds, blue and dark brown egg layers... am knackered and sandy is Being Ill too... i am Being a Bitch and assuming that its all psychosomatic and so am not veh sympathetic... which will bite me in the arse when i get it no doubt. god i do love a nice D&V bout [hmm]

this is wicked!

update on archie

little man is doing beautifully. is responding really well to firmer boundaries and more interest in his school work. has done 'homework' with me after every school day (ie, friday last week and twice so far this week) yesterday he didnt have 'proper' hw, so i got him to pick some breeds of chicken he liked the look of in a book i have and wrtite those out. he was well into it. what a star. teacher says he had a great day yesterday and today he brought home 4 little certificates for phonics and a card with 5 stickers on for doing well at various things. he was really proud, bless him. he's been an absolute sweetie with me the last few days too - really helpful in setting up gus' party etc... have been having lots of cuddles. boy do i make great kids [beam]