i am so bored of being mentally unwell. i am so sad, so convinced that it'll never go away. terrified i'll pass it on to my kids, by nature and nurture, no matter how hard i try not to. i am necking ad's and wine like theres no tomorrow... and just about passing for normal enough of the time to not make waves. im so tired. so weary. i mean, im allright, but this is always there, lurking underneath. and i dont think anything will make it go away. counselling just makes it worse - the endless analysis... unbearable. the ad's dont work. well, its better than without them, thats for sure, but its just a mask. and apparenlty, having a perfect life full of wonderful people who love me and who i love immensely... doesnt work either. go figure. anyway, fuck this for a laugh, im going to go and watch some distracting telly for a bit, take my mind off this crap.