just noticed that the number plate TI RED is available for the princessly sum of 8 and a half grand. how good would that be on my yellow caravelle?? im not one for personalised number plates normally... wanky bollocks. but that would be funny.

... and archie started puking in the night. here we go again, eh. so we're all home today. lazy day on the sofa i think.

i am so bored of being mentally unwell. i am so sad, so convinced that it'll never go away. terrified i'll pass it on to my kids, by nature and nurture, no matter how hard i try not to. i am necking ad's and wine like theres no tomorrow... and just about passing for normal enough of the time to not make waves. im so tired. so weary. i mean, im allright, but this is always there, lurking underneath. and i dont think anything will make it go away. counselling just makes it worse - the endless analysis... unbearable. the ad's dont work. well, its better than without them, thats for sure, but its just a mask. and apparenlty, having a perfect life full of wonderful people who love me and who i love immensely... doesnt work either. go figure. anyway, fuck this for a laugh, im going to go and watch some distracting telly for a bit, take my mind off this crap.

home alone

so sandys off to scotland for a couple of days. a burns night supper in his dinner jacket and everything ( at not getting to perve over him in his DJ), and a quick visit hom eto see the elderly 'rents, esp his dad who is in hospital atm. and i am here, with norovirus kids and lots of expensive frozen meals to keep me going ... i miss my little sister who is off living in copenhagen... id LOVE to be there with her, being young free and single, chewing the fat, drifting about, smoking and drinking and sleeping in the next day... but hey ho. those days are... well, not mine anymore. HOPEFULLY i will get a chance to pop over sans bambini and see her for a day or two at some point. also just got the call to say that my cousin/sister/freind (cousin doesnt really express how much she means to me tbh) is emigrating to australia in 3 and a half weeks from now. gulp. its a GOOD thing but i will miss her madly. anyways, i better go, gotta load the kids back into the van and drag them reluctantly off to the doctors... that'll be fun.

chickens

time to clean out the chicken sheds tomorrow. weathers alright so i'll take the chance. if the sick kids will let me that is. max slept for HOURS today in theliving room so he'll be up all night i hope not. anyhoo... been browsing and calling breeders today with an eye to getting some new birds, blue and dark brown egg layers... am knackered and sandy is Being Ill too... i am Being a Bitch and assuming that its all psychosomatic and so am not veh sympathetic... which will bite me in the arse when i get it no doubt. god i do love a nice D&V bout [hmm]

this is wicked!

update on archie

little man is doing beautifully. is responding really well to firmer boundaries and more interest in his school work. has done 'homework' with me after every school day (ie, friday last week and twice so far this week) yesterday he didnt have 'proper' hw, so i got him to pick some breeds of chicken he liked the look of in a book i have and wrtite those out. he was well into it. what a star. teacher says he had a great day yesterday and today he brought home 4 little certificates for phonics and a card with 5 stickers on for doing well at various things. he was really proud, bless him. he's been an absolute sweetie with me the last few days too - really helpful in setting up gus' party etc... have been having lots of cuddles. boy do i make great kids [beam]

gus' party

went well entertainer was pretty good, amusing. hall is lovely, and food etc, all c/o waitrose inc. all good. decorations c/o pirateparty.co.uk - all good. lots of people mate Jojo totally saved the day- wouldve been a shambles without her help. dad in the kitchen charmed all the ladies - and lots of people told me they can see me in him, which i liked. even did thank you's, 90% of which are delivered (via school) marvellous.

woe is me

oh woe is me angus and maxwell puking sandy and i feeling like two penn'orth a gawd'elpus (yy, i AM turning into my mother) and sandy away for a few days soon. sigh.

oh, was Angus' 3rd birthday yesterday. he went to school in the morning, and hung out with me and then pals, Sophie and Monty in the afternoon... then after we picked up archie and max from school, my pal Jojo and took them, on a whim, to the Happy Eater at Popham ! its been on telly recently with a big makeover by Heston Blumenthal so we thought we'd give it a go. it was alright... food was pretty good for motorway service station stuff cooked off the premises :) and the decor and staff were perfect for the kids, indestructible, bright, fun, lovely. wonder how long it will last? oh, and Popham is actually way further from here than either Jojo or i had previously perceived. oh well!

so archies teacher is really concerned about him. hes behind in his class (of 12), but he had been catching up and now hes taken a dip again. and hes digging his heels in and rejecting all teaching; reading math, all of it. max is close to overtaking him. psychologically, that would be really really bad news for archie. so i have to pull myself together and sort it out. the way ive parented my boys so far has been right and fine enough for the baby stage, but theyre not babies any more and archie needs me to sort it out, take control and be a mum. sandy also agrees that we, he and i, need to do that, and get some structure back into our lives and more control in OUR hands rather than theirs. starting with weekends, he thinks. our weekends, as well as week evenings are ruled by what the children want to do or not do. we 'get through' weekends, rather than living them. not good. SO, united front, sandy and i are going to Pull Ourselves Together and do our best to help our little man who is really a bit terrified of life and how to live it and do it 'right'. the killer for me is; I am a bit terrified of life and how to live it and do it right. How am i supposed to show him how to take control of his own destiny and break things down into small chunks and not get utterly overwhelmed by Life and Monumental Tasks... when i havent the foggiest idea how to do it myself?? fuckadoodledoo.

have just redone the personal DNA thing - predictably i have a completely different result these things are so generic...

A Fistful Of Dollars: The Story of a Kiva.org Loan from Kieran Ball on Vimeo.

ooh, am looking forward to boating holiday in the carmargue, south of france, in easter hols. never done boating before; got the idea while on last years jollys in same area and going for a walk or two along canal du midi. boat we've booked for 10 days is well swish and has 4 cabins... sandy and i are taking our 3 and robert (my step son, lives with his mum) and my dad (Daggles!) is coming as another adult to have about. cant wait!

i need to post some stuff so the video i posted moves down coz it looks untidy sticking out of the column like that.

i think this thin g looks like fun. liverpool street is on my old manor, innit. wish id been there. id have grinned about it for hours. :D

oh looky here! i completely forgot about this. will have to resurrect it attention span of a gnat, me.